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Ramesh ne new sim card kharid kar tang karne walle ko sms kiya
“Maine woh sim band kar diya hai,
ab tu toh kya tera baap bhi mujhe tang nahin kar sakta!”..!!
Stylish Breakup
Angry Ramesh threw 6 cricket balls on his gf.
GF: “What the hell was that?”
Ramesh: “its over”!
Ramesh: I have the perfect son.
Suresh: Does he smoke?
Ramesh: No, he doesn’t.
Suresh: Does he drink whiskey?
Ramesh: No, he doesn’t.
Suresh: Does he ever come home late?
Ramesh: No, he doesn’t.
Suresh: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
Ramesh: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Just as Ramesh was about to fall asleep, his wife shook him and said, “I hear someone breaking in.”
At least two nights a week for twenty years Ramesh had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. So, he went out for a routine check.
When Ramesh entered the den he was surprised to see a thief. The man held a gun on him and continued to rob the house.
As the thief was about to leave Ramesh said, “You have to go and meet my wife, Jeeto.”
The thief said, “Why would you want me to meet your wife?”
Ramesh replied, “Well, she’s been expecting you from 20 years.”
Ramesh: Yaar suresh… “I am going” ka matlab kya hota hai?
Suresh: Main ja raha hoon..
Ramesh: abe aise kaise jaayega.. saala 20 log se puchh chuka hun, sab chale gaye… answer bata ke jaa!!
Ramesh na ek college khola,
Naam kya rakha hoga,
Guess karo,
Nahi pata?
Naam Tha…
Women’s College for Boys.
Ramesh Suresh ki khoob pitai hui.
Par kyun?
Kyunki, Dono B’Day party me muft ka khana khate pakde gaye!!
aur kehne lage: Hum Ladki walo ki taraf se hain
Ek chor ramesh ka mobile le kar bhag raha tha.
Ramesh: bhaag saale bhag…
bhag..
aur bhaag
Kal kya karega?
Charger to mere pass hai.
Ramesh Ne Ek Naya Kamaal Kiya…
Wo BANK me jaaker so gaya
Puchho kyun?
Kyunki….
Usne board par Bank ka advertisement padha.. ki
“Yaha SONE Par LOAN Milta Hai”
Innocent Ramesh
Ek baar Ramesh ki Bhains kho gayi
Wo dhundta hua park mein pahuncha…
Waha ek ladka apni girlfriend ki aankho mein dekh kar keh raha tha
“jaan mujhe tumhari aankho mein poori duniya dikhayi de rahi hai!”
Ramesh yeh sunkar bola:
“Bhai zara dekh ke data to ki meri bhains kaha par hai?!”
Ramesh bar mein gaya to bartender ne usse puchha: Kya loge aaj?
Ramesh: Bas ek beer!
Bartender: Kya hua? Aaj tum kuchh theek nahi lag rahe.. Itne udaas kyun ho?
Ramesh: Meta meri biwi se jhagda ho gaya tha… Usne mujhe kaha ki wo 1 mahine tak mujhse baat nahin karegi!
Bartender: Phir usme kya dikkat hai?
Ramesh: Aaj ek mahina poora ho gaya!!
Suresh: Aur Bata Ramesh, Kya haal, Biwi ke saath kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Ramesh:
Bas Mast hai yaar…
Subah jo wo chahe karti hai,
Aur shaam ko jo wo chahe Main karta hoon!
Ramesh roti ka ek bite khud kha raha tha aur ek paas baithi murgi ko khila raha tha…
Suresh: “Ye kya kar raha hai?”
Ramesh- “Chicken ke sath roti kha raha hu.”
Ramesh:
yaar maine ek naye detergant se apni underwear dhoyi,
To vo sikud ke chhoti ho gayi.. ab main kya karoon?
Suresh:
Simple hai yaar…
Usi detargent se apne hips bhi dho le
Ramesh at his best..
Teacher: 5 – 5 = how much?
Ramesh is quiet?
Teacher tries again: agar tere kol 5 bhaturey ne te main tere 5 bhaturey lai lavan, tere kol ki bachea?
Ramesh: Chholle….??
Height of guessing an answer……
Teacher – who was chandra gupta morya.
Ramesh – he was cousin of ganpati bappa morya….!!
Sonakshi Sinha knocks on ramesh’s door: Kya aapke toothpaste me namak hai??
Ramesh: Chal bhaag Moti, ab thodi der me poochegi kya aapke shampoo me Chaatmasala hai!!!
Sardaar dekha nahi ki shuru ho jaate hain!
Ramesh to Son: “maths vich fail kyu hoya”..
Son: 1st day teacher kendi 5+3=8..
Agle din kendi 6+2=8.. fir kendi 4+4=8
ullu di pathi khud confusd hai mainu ki padaeygi..
Sir: Define Energy ?
Ramesh: Sir pura nai aata hain, thoda last ka pata hain, bas.
Sir: Thik hain, jitna aata hain utna bolo.
Ramesh: “and this is called Energy……”
Salesman: Sir, cockroach k liye powder loge kya?
Ramesh: ” Nahi, hum cockroach ko itna laad-pyar nahi karte! Aaj powder laga denge to kal sala DEO mangega!!
Salesman Fainted !
Ramesh: Aap mujhe sanskrit seekha do,
Pandit: kyun?
Ramesh: Devtaao ki bhasha hai, Swarg mein jaroorat padegi
Pandit: Agar nark gaye to?
Ramesh: Punjabi to aati hi hai…
Ramesh ki nayi nayi Shaadi hui thi,
Phir bhi use shaam ko ghar jaane ki koi jaldi nahin rehti thi
Wo der tak office mein baitha rehta tha!
Ek din uske boss ne usse karan puchha..
to Ramesh ne jawab diya.
Baat yeh hai Sir, ki meri patni bhi naukri karti hai,
Aur hum dono mein se jo bhi ghar pehle pahunchta hai, Khana use hi banana padta hai!!!
Ramesh ki Maa:- 20 saal tak meri koi aulad nahi hui
Press reporter:- Fir apne kya kiya?
Ramesh ki Maa:- Fir mai 21 saal ki hui to papa ne meri shadi krai. Fir ja ke Ramesh hua.. !!
Ramesh & his wife went for Divorce at court.
Judge : You have 3 kids .. How will you divide them?
Ramesh had long discussion with Rashi & said
“ok, sirji We will come next year with 1 more”
Joke doesn’t end here ..
9 months later
.
.
.
They got twins
Ek baar Ramesh train mein safar kar raha tha
Train mein bahut bheed hone ke karan, Ramesh ek Ganje aadmi ki seat par baith gaya.
Aadmi gusse se jhunjhla kar bola: “Seat pe kya, mera sir par hi baith ja”
Ramesh: Nahin Uncle, Main yahin theek hoon, waha se fisalne ka darr hai
Teacher- jo mere sawal ka sahi jawab dega wo ghar ja sakta hai.
Ussi waqt ramesh ne apna bag bahar fek diya.
Teacher- wo bag kisne feka?
Ramesh- maine..ab main ghar jau!!
Teacher Ramesh se: Explain ‘Dahi’ in English
Ramesh:
Milk sleeping in the night,
and sawere sawere tight!!
A lady asked Ramesh: LIPTON di chah hai?
Ramesh replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja…!
Ramesh calls WHITE HOUSE
Ramesh: I want to become the next president of USA…
Obama: Are u an Idiot?
Ramesh: No, Why? Is it Compulsory to be an Idiot?
Ramesh shaadi mein khana khane gaya
Par samane Salad ka counter dekh kar wapis aa gaya
Baahar aakar bola: O suresh, abhi to sabzi hi kat rahi he
Ramesh ki tapsya se khush ho kar bhagwan bole:
VAR MANGO VATS’
Ramesh: Prabhu!! jaisa aap soch rahe hai mein vaisa nahi hu..
‘MUJHE VADHU CHAHIYE’
Ek admi khade-khade chaabi se apna kaan khujla raha tha
Ramesh use gaur se dekhte hue bola-
Bhaisahab, aap start nahi ho rahe to dhakka Maaru?
Ek kutta ek car k neeche baitha tha..
Ramesh aaya aur uski poonch kheechta hua bola:
nikal saale…
bada aaya Mechanical Engineer..!!
Ramesh saari rat mujra dekhta raha.
Mujrewaali:
Hamne aapko khush kiya ab aap hamko khush kar do
Ramesh emotional ho gaya aur bola
Acha ab tu baith main nachta hun!!
Ramesh: Beta ye kaisi machis laaye ho. Sasura ek bhi teeli nahi jal rahi.
Suresh: Kya baat kartay ho papa saari teeliya check kar ke laya hoon!
Lawyer to Ramesh: “Geeta pe haath rakhkar kaho ke…… ”
Ramesh : “Yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir Geeta pe haath!!”
Ramesh: “God, if you give me 100 rupees, I will donate 50 rupees in temple”.
(After walking some distance, he finds a 50 rupee note)
Ramesh: “Shame on you God, you don”t even trust me a little? You have already taken your share!”
After Eating Fish Ramesh Didn’t Drink Water
why?
Because..
He Feared That Fish Will
Start Swimming In His Stomach
A Question From
Ramesh To Bill Gates:
Sir,
How Is It That
Your Name Is Gates But
You Are Selling WINDOWS!
Gates Shocked!
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